这不是我

跨年...其实我从来没有跨年，跨年都是跟电视过...来到这里，本来说好要一起跨年，但是我就是不再状况内，好像是我弄得大家不开心，没有心情玩...
每个人口中的跨年好像都很开心...有什么特别？！不知道...
新的一年不应该这样自己emo！！！
我觉得我越来越不喜欢这样的自己...变太多了，变得我就快不认识自己，变成我讨厌的自己...
刚才游戏有一个惩罚，不能说的秘密，反射性的，我还是不喜欢被人挖掘自己的秘密，我会说出来的都不是秘密，真正的秘密，我会好好地把它埋在心底...我不知道我要讲什么，就“呵呵”
新年愿望...我想要找到自己正真想要做的事，我真正喜欢的东西，我就快不知道除了名字以外，我是谁...我到底要怎样做...我真的很讨厌现在的自己！！！很讨厌很讨厌很讨厌！！！

末日啦

哇哈哈哈哈哈！为什么还没有末日？！
我来这里都是真的是一个错误！不过，庆幸的是我离开了理科，投入了文科的温暖怀抱，但是为什么我还要读微积分，几何与代数？！！！
下个礼拜二圣诞节我要考试，我还有三本2cm厚的书没读，80多页font 10， border narrow，还没读...但是我一点感觉都没有？！哇哈哈哈哈哈！
还有很多的报告，小论文，blablablabla...

已经跌倒到一种习惯的境界了，跌到不用紧，但是为什么每次都被自己的脚车压到？人品吧
我的好人品都用在脚车没被偷的份上了，每次都忘记学脚车，不然就把锁匙和电话留在脚车或者锁那里...脚车没被偷，真的是万幸啊！

林宥嘉的新歌《浪费》

作詞：陳信延
作曲：鄭楠

多久了 我都沒變
愛妳這回事 整整六年
妳最好 做好準備
我沒有打算 停止一切

想說我沒有志願
也沒有事情好消遣
有一個人能去愛 多珍貴

沒關係妳也不用給我機會
反正我還有一生可以浪費
我就是剩這麼一點點倔 稱得上 我的優點

沒關係妳也不用對我慚愧
也許我根本喜歡被妳浪費
隨便妳今天拼命愛上誰 我都會 坦然面對
即使要我跟妳再耗個十年 無所謂

妳和他 沒有如願 
短短半年內 開始分裂
我的愛 依舊沒變
連我自己都 對我欽佩

有的是很多資源
我有的是很多時間
不去愛才是浪費 多不對

沒關係妳也不用給我機會
反正我還有一生可以浪費
我就是剩這麼一點點倔 稱得上 我的優點

沒關係妳也不用對我慚愧
也許我根本喜歡被妳浪費
就算我再去努力愛上誰 到頭來 也是白費

不如永遠跟妳耗 來得快樂 對不對

很贴切，既然没有办法把你忽略掉，就放在心中的某个角落吧！但是，我有那个成本为你浪费吗？

（但是我是个善变的人，应该没多久就会忘了吧？！><）但愿如此，呵呵

busy month

I know that I will be super busy for the this few weeks, but i still dont have the motivation to work harder, hahahaha, cuz i am lazy worm~~~
never mind, 桥到船头自然直!

That day we bought bread from a stall, when the hawker knew that we are Malaysian, he said he knew that numbers rules which is from Malaysian, and he asked for our name and try to 算命！he said i have a male characteristic...wu yan...

我已经尽量减少接触和碰面的机会了，你快快离开，shushushu!

到底还要多久才能摆脱这种折磨！！！

我还要维持这种“不舒服”到什么时候？只要这次的演出结束后，我要开始闭关，一方面是要努力读书，另一方面要避免我之前的努力全部白费，那么我应该可以忘记那种感觉，应该能！

听到你的诉苦，我没有什么反应，这是应该的！那我算成功了吗？！

但是，我很感谢你会把这种想法告诉我...真的谢谢！

我不应该有那种不正常的想法，我不要变成自己讨厌的那种人！！！就恢复以前的心态！做自己就好！开心就好！一直想着别人的看法和感受，非常累！

心痛

第一次有那么心痛的感觉，除了痛，就只有这里很常讲的“羡慕，嫉妒，恨”...
你...值得吗？为什么我要做那么无聊的事？！

...

这个月刚刚过了我的生日，生日的那几天太忙了，几乎把自己的生日也忘了。我以为他们不会帮我庆祝，结果...有感动，他们是我在北京这里努力拼搏的最大动力。真心谢谢。他们还送了我一只很大很长的rilakuma！有开心到！

今天是马来西亚北京留学生的新旧生聚餐，之前不懂那来的勇气，去报名舞蹈队，还好跳了我喜欢的舞！jazz dance！人生中第一次跳舞，只练了3个星期就上场！怕到我要死！但是我真的很享受！这是我要的大学生活，做一些我很想要做，却一直不敢做的事情！可以套一句我平时不太懂什么意思的词----"热血"!

可能彼此越熟悉，摩擦会越来越大吧？！不断的提醒自己要大方，看开一点！！！

要对着他，看到他和别人暧昧，会有种生气的感觉，而且还要为了看起来我们有话聊，调侃他跟别人的绯闻，我到底怎么了？！习惯性地怕被别人发觉我真实的感受。

每次会乱讲话，我真的深深地体会到祸重口出！

感觉上只要勇敢往前踏一步，我的愿望就会实现，我要的东西就会属于我的了，但是我往往没有那样的勇气...只能唉声叹气！（好有押韵！哈哈）

我好像又开始懒惰了，到底我的惰性即使会消失啊？！

嗯

无聊，放一放自己的照片，漂亮的右脸。。。（其实是左脸痘痘太多><）
现在悲哀到拍照要找角度，胖了。。（无奈，都是这里的天气的错！）






你绝对不可能会看到我的blog，所以我就可以放心地写。。。
习惯真的很可怕，每天一定要上facebook，除了要update远在5000公里的朋友在干什么，还会习惯性的看看右下角看看你是否有在线上，就算看到了，也不敢开口，怕你觉得我很烦。
我之前那么明显了，你都没有给反应，应该是代表我该放弃了。。。
之前，看到你给我的留言，我在房间里，因为太兴奋，在房间里，在我室友面前手舞足蹈，不停跺脚！还要怀疑楼下的有没有突然觉得天花板在摇晃
现在看到你的留言，没那么大反应，但就是还会留意你是否有在线上。。。你在线上，就会莫名的开心。。。心安？！
现实中，我们真的不可能，但是我就是无聊，会想想你到底在干嘛。。。晚上熬夜做功课时，看到你上网会觉得你在陪我。。。
来这里之前，没那么严重，所以距离是很美的
或者，可能我来到了新的地方，不敢想家，怕会哭，就只能想你。不懂你有没有因为这样，一直打喷嚏。。。achu！
和朋友约定了，要一起忘记现在想着的那个人，一个星期，够吗？！
有时候我会想，我是不是应该就把这种感觉留着，在觉得辛苦，喘不过气的时候，再拿出来，享受那甜甜的感觉，虽然是单方面，但至少我能熬得过去。。。。
希望我写下这些以后，我可以不再那么无聊。。。还是会越陷越深？

xxx

根据“老人家”说的，室友间一定会有摩擦，但没想到才一个月就。。。是我不够大方？为什么大家同龄，有什么事情不是他告诉我，而是他的父母告诉我该怎么做？我的问题？你女儿那么大了，还需要你出面吗？需要用长辈和金钱的姿势压我吗？我没有反驳，就只因为我尊重你是长辈，我不出声不代表我好欺负，谢谢。

人品不好

我要入乡随俗了，我的人品不好啊啊啊啊啊啊！（在这里，遇到任何倒霉的事，就说自己人品不好，幸运的话就有人品）
我和我的室友人品都不好！不然，我们的房间风水不好！！
她又再次不见脚车（一个月不见两次），我就学生证不见！最糟糕的是，补办学生证后，要等3天工作日，才能使用学生卡。重点是-------星期日开始放假8天！什么中秋和十一双佳节快乐？！我现在一点都不快乐！接下去的一个星期我要饿死或者穷死了咯！没有学生证，不用吃食堂！外面的食物又死鬼贵！我记得我离开家之前有拜拜的哦！为什么？！！！！！！

冷冷冷

现在才刚入秋，我就冷到就快哭了，16度...其实是因为下雨，又没带雨伞，所以就淋雨。不过，还好不是晚上，不然我会选择直接在自习室过夜。
慧芯呐慧芯，到底什么时候才会有高一点的EQ叻？！

uni life--study abroad~~

现在我开始觉得出国留学是对的，虽然大家都来自不同的地方，但是我们是马来西亚人。

我是这样觉得，可能身在异乡吧，大家都会常常聚在一起，就算不说话，但是会有一种温暖的感觉。马来西亚，我们的家。用习惯了的语调交谈，说说只有身为马来西亚人才懂的“语言”。今天，我开始有中学大家坐在一起打打闹闹，上课坐在一起，偶尔聊一聊，不明白就问问身边的那个，他们总是愿意帮忙。大一，我们还有几堂课是一起上的，所以大家的感情还不错，以后希望我们再忙也会聚一聚，希望如此吧！之前我还会埋怨，为什么我要上微积分（1）+（2），现在我只觉得很庆幸，还有共同的课把我们连在一起。如果我没选择出国留学，我不会遇见他们，我可能还是过着和中学一样的生活，独自去上课，在班上和朋友随便聊一聊，独自回家，不敢出太多街，怕被骂，和朋友的关系就不会那么密切。虽然有时会觉得有沟通障碍，但是做一群人当中静静的那个也不错！至少到目前为止，我还是觉得留学是对的。要努力啦！

tsinghua,beijing,china

campus^^
The first time I left my family and learn to be independent! Actually, I still in travel mood now, hehe!

erm, the hostel i stay in is quite small but multipurpose for me! bedroom, study room, kitchen, laundry, bla bla bla There are some workers here to mop the floor every 2 days but actually, it's still dirty after cleaning And, bed sheet cover will be changed every week! This is only thing I like about this hostel. 

About food, I dont really like the food here, but at least there is my favorite food here--rice!!! The food in uni is really really cheap so still acceptable for me. That's why I bought a rice cooker, hope that the dishes I cook will be better than those in canteen XD (I regret why I didnt learn how to cook from my dear grandma and dad, I miss their food so much!!!!!)

Oh yeah, transport! We bought a bicycle. I bought a small small bicycle, I traded in it and bought a larger one yesterday. At last, I paid rmb490 on bicycle. Not worth at all but that was my fault as I didnt think twice when I bought the first one! Or maybe I will go to classroom on foot one day. The traffic here is crazy too.  

study, haiz, everyone here crazy d, books, books, and still books! I have to be used to it. The books here are cheaper a lot than Malaysia!

The service here is really sucks! most of the workers here are not patient and rude! rude! rude!

*Why still no response?! I have to give up with it? It is fault from the beginning?!

突然想起

（这篇真的很没有营养，别看别看，我只是想找个地方把我想讲的话记录下来）

今天突然想起以前曾经发花痴的对象，没有任何原因，突然很想哭。
我不是因为乖而没有谈过恋爱，而是怪，但是为什么别人问起我是否有谈过恋爱时，我给的回答让他们把奇怪的眼神投在我身上？！我本来就不是个漂亮和讨人喜欢的女生！这样都看不出吗？！我一定要交男朋友，我的中学生涯才完整？！长到酱大没有人追是一件很丢脸的事情吗？！（有时候会看着身边的好朋友全都一对一对，我被逼做电灯泡或红娘时，或被别人批评时会pekcek一下下）
我时常被我认识或不认识的人投诉。“我的***讲你很凶叻！”，“我的***将你不好相处！”。。。等等类似的话。不然就，“我的***讲你怎样怎样！”我知道我不是一个讨人喜欢，圆滑，会把人际关系搞好的人，所以我有想过只要永远在实验室里与仪器作伴，我就不太需要常常与别人接触。在不懂什么情况之下，我又跑来读经济与金融，以后的职业应该必须要有很好的人际关系，应酬。我最不喜欢做的事情就是应酬，为了别人的眼光而改变自己，但这应该是生存的不变定律，为什么我要常常做我不喜欢的事？！我不想应酬时，别人就会觉得我冷漠高傲，但当我努力做个讨人喜欢的人时，别人却觉得我做作。拿捏分寸就是我真的非常不在行的事。我到底该怎么办才会让人喜欢？（虽然我懂，有人喜欢你，当然也有人讨厌你，不需太在意，但是这个问题我想了好久好久）
我会常常看一些正面或鼓励的短文或句子，不然我就会继续emo。
分享一段刚刚在fb看到的，“一生中有两条路要走，一条是必须走的路，一条是想要走的路。你一定要走完必须走的路，才能走你想要走的路。” 这句话让我觉得，必须走的路就是戴上假面具，应酬，赚够我下半辈子所需要的钱；要走的路就是自己一个人生活，不理别人怎么看，不需要迁就别人，自给自足，过自己想要的生活。

也许你会觉得我很无聊，想这些来干嘛？或者认为我很幼稚！随你，who care?!

new place, new people, new life

Finally, I am here for study. Beijing, China! Hope that I will be fine here for next four years. I am proud and happy that I am a Malaysian.
My school will start on next Monday! According to my senior, this week should be the last week for me to relax! After that, I have to study hard and of course study smart!( hope so!) playing, traveling, visiting some special place, n bla bla bla, I went to bird nest and shui li fang today! They are really big big n big!
As the university's campus is quite large so bicycle was the first thing I bought after arriving Beijing. Hope that I wont fell down or any accident happen on me! (praying...XD)
The first time I leave my house so far away for study, no any special feeling, still in travelling mode, maybe because of school havent start yet! homesick? please away from me! touch wood, till now i havent start homesick-ing yet! (proud?!!haha) ya, leaving home means I have to everything myself, no one have the responsibility to take care of me, no one should do so...haiz...Jia you! waisum, you can do it!
I promised that I will graduate from tsinghua in 2016! I must!!! good luck to myself and all my friends who are studying or going to study in uni! I miss my friends so much!

last month

i will start my uni life next month, i always feel like i am a bad child, i nvr miss my family wherever i am. but lots of them said i will...homesick? what is that? hope that my uni life will be ok. not as bad as they said. have a new life in different country with different weather, different culture and different people...not bad.looking forward to it.
the first time i will not celebrate christmas n chinese new year with my family.no angpow aaaaaaa

oh yeah!

i am going to be free after next week! bye, devils!
Actually, I like to be a tutor, but I dont like those devils. For them, I am like a maid more than a tutor.
never mind, I will leave soon. We will never meet again!
Yeah, my sister is coming back next week! Long time never face to face with her! I miss her, and her presents!!!XD
btw, Welcome home!!!

a month left

i will quit my job next month. When i told my boss this, my devil student heard this. She immediately told her friend. maybe, they will really throw a party after i leave. how sad?!
A good news! My student finally got second last in his school not just class, he always is the last since standard 1! got 1 student "dim dai" edi, he is not the last anymore! so "gam dong"! i dont know i have to scold him as he get super bad results or i have to happy he is not the last! funny!

aaaaaaaaa...i'm coming

oh yeah! I'm coming=I'm leaving!
I still left 3 months in Malaysia. Finally, I received the offer letter from China. I am gonna leave this hell and going to another crazy place! devils, bye! I no need to angry with your again!
I think if my students know that I am going to leave, they will be very happy and throw a party immediately! I quite sure with it!
Have to work now! waiting for tonight hang out!
#I thought I am the one quite important for you but why I am the last to know the truth? how come? but anyway, all the best!

gathering

finally, we meet again! 

I dont know whether 3 of us have the same feeling or just me! I didnt fell awkward even we stopped talking, we can just kept quiet and sat down, I dont know how to describe the feeling, but I like it! I can only do this with my best friend, I hope that it is still the same after many many years, even we do not meet each other for a long long time, even we are far apart in different area or different countries!

朋友只需要质，不需要量！

badminton!

I didnt exercise for a long time! I went to play badminton with my colleagues just now! We make it after dinner, quite weird as all of us were hungry. We finally get a court in the third centre around 9pm. Why all of them exercise on Thursday night? Exercise is really not my cup of tea. I used to stand there and wait the ball to come to me. They kept complaining me! "Come on! Run! Move your body!"
Felt good after exercise! Then, supper! We met 2 OKU, one of them sang songs, another one pushed the wheel chair, she lost a hand too. We suggested to donate some money for them. Then, My colleague and I gave them the money. We were the first one in that stall to do so. Then, lots of them followed!
Teachers will not end their chat, if they start complaining about their students!

teacher's day

yesterday was teacher's day. dunno which student's parents bought a cake for teachers, yummy! chocolate cake. But after cake, bad things came! They purposely made me angry...Evil children! Why that devil came back again? Those days without her, my class was peace, while she appeared,...(dont know how to describe but really really bad!) She disturbed others' study mood, everything seem ok without her!!!! She even asked her dad to call her friend's parents why  her friend dont want to friend with her...crazy kids!

but I really happy a student gave me a handmade key chain. There are pictures which was coloured by her in the plastic key chain...I asked why she had two (one for me and another one was hers) but her friends have only one, she said because she want to do it for me! I dont know whether it is the truth, but I was very happy...this present is meaningful and priceless for me! Theirs "happy teacher's day" can make me happy even just a phrase.(although I really angry and thought of dont want to be a tutor again) Thank you.

and Happy Teacher's Day to all teachers!!!

hang out again

My colleague's 2nd farewell! hang out again! they really like to take photos so I will have some photos recently. i like to take photo but not by myself.
my parents are gonna kill me! spent lots of money, my salary a!! I have to left it for my pocket money in uni!
I tried to talk to those "people", they seem like nothing to complain, but at least I know a little bit how they feel. I am going to talk to them again tomorrow, hope dont happen the same thing as before!
Their results! I dont know what to comment when they told me their results! most of them get lower marks than before! my problem? I also dont know! but I just start to teach them..

Sunday!!

It's Sunday!!! dont need to work but still have to wake up early in the morning!
My dad and I planned to jog in the morning, we didnt jog in the park but with Mr Chow!
then, breakfast! Finally, I knew where is the wan tan mee stall! I try to go there twice before but I cant find the stall, Jinjang is like a maze! I cant enjoy my food because of my stupid teeth! I will be more appreciate when my teeth are ok one day. (have to wait at least 4 years)
I want shoes!! My shoes rosak edi! shoes a!

I like Sunday!!!Sunday Sunday Sunday = television + computer = no jobs + no worries + dont have to be angry!!!

hang out!

The first time i hung up with friends(colleagues) till 1.30 midnight! dinner + half movie + chit chat. Luckily, my sister hadnt sleep yet, i still can enter my house not like before! We talked a lot! feel like they can really understand me and my problems! Why no one give me some signal about those "people"?! the only signal i received from my ex-colleague is "dont too care about them"...maybe i ignored those signals! I believe that i can do it!!!I wont bordered how they think about me as long as i do my own job from now onward!!! I really want to say thank you to my colleagues, they helped me a lot!

4 more months to endure/enjoy this!!!

they want me to be fired!

headmaster talked with them for more than half an hour yesterday. Then, they wrote me a "letter", they apologize but they didnt changed their attitude! haiz,,,they wanted me to be fired! A girl left the centre this month and she persuaded her friends to ask their parents to complain about me and leave the centre together! I didnt feel very sad like before maybe of my stomachache, I dont have energy to angry with them! today, they still the same, not listening, keep talking, but I feel like never mind, I dont care they listen to me or not...hope everything will be fine tomorrow!

I started to tied up my hair recently! seem like my mum really wasted money!XD

my crazy hair

omg!!I went to my dad schoolmate gathering just now.
An uncle asked me, "You changed your hair style?"
"yup!! How you know? but I tied up my hair today!" I wondered how he knew that i straightened my hair!
"My son said that he saw you before, your new hair style not nice."
"harr...? I did new hair style for 1 month only, I didnt meet your son!"
"oo...he saw you at the school carnival!"
"school carnival?" omg!!!! I straightened my hair 1st of April, the carnival was on March!!!
My hair curled naturally before!!!!!natural!!!! My mum paid 200++ for me to straightened my hair !
My junior, friends and colleagues thought I curled my hair before, and my hair back to natural now!!!!
Where my mum spend this money? crazy hair! stupid hair (but with brilliant master! haha!)

never mind

It's my fault that i set too high target for them. I shouldnt expect they listen to me all the time and remember everything I taught.(I didnt do so) 

What I have to do is just my part and responsible to my job, my ex-colleague was right. He said, "Dont have to too care about them! You will feel easier to teach other students after you "tormented" by them!" Yeah, maybe. My EQ will be higher! good training!

btw, tomorrow is BERSIH 3.0. Just support them at home. Hope that everything will be fine! 

I got night mare because of those devils!

quite sad

I really tried my best to be a good tutor. I very sad when I knew that my students talk something bad about me, maybe this I what I have to accept as I did this to my teacher too.

Maybe I am too strict to them, I scold them quite often...

I hope that I can enjoy my job until August, hope so!

It is too suffer if I dislike my job, that's why they said that we need dream to support our lives! We have to get a job that we like1

It's so true!

BAD experience!!!!

I cant understand why people like to drink wine and get drunk purposely. I was slightly drunk last night, I felt really really bad.

At first, my aunty and her friend suggested to go to have a drink and bring me to bar as I was 19 now. They chose a bar called "skybar". The pictures from the Internet showed really good environment, seemed like a bar with music and quiet but we were wrong!!!

When we arrived there, the music was too loud and crowded. I had to admitted that the design of the bar is awesome! But I dont like the music and crowd. So we switched to another bar in Pavillion Level 3.

It was like a coffee shop but everyone was drinking alcohol! It was quite hot there. My aunty chose a cocktail for me! Maybe I drank too fast and dont know how to control myself, I seemed like drunk. I got headache and felt like want to vomit. Bad bad bad feeling! Luckily, I felt better after deep breathe. They told me that I have to control myself and must drink water after wine!

really really super bad feeling!!!

working

This is my second job---teacher! It is really a special feeling when students call me "teacher"!

I never think that I will be a teacher. I just dreamed to become a teacher when I was small because teacher no need to do homework.

Finally, I realized that it is better to be a student. Checking students' homework and teaching is not that easy!

Maybe, like what my colleague said, he is going to quit this job, he doesnt miss his students but colleagues (but I think his "colleagues" not including me as I just worked for 2 weeks).

Although my parents think that I cant get any useful experience if I am a teacher, I dont think so. To be a teacher, I should have good communication skills with students and colleagues, be patient and be a good modal for students. For me, these skills are really needed for my uni life.

I plan to work until August, hope that I will enjoy being a teacher.

Pimples are all around my face now because I keep scolding students almost everyday.